Alec Baldwin & Parental Alienation

Those of you who have stopped by more than once, know we like to put out queries rather than cast judgment.

Today, we revisit something we have already posted on entitled Alec Baldwin, Parenting & the weight of words.

Well before that, in February, we posted on the weight of words.

Today, the New York Times shows Mr. Baldwin reporting as to the injustices on fathers.

No one can say that divorce, separation or whatever form it takes does not effect children or their parents. No one can be present each and every moment to know what the “truth” is or isn’t. We can only surmise.

So what is our interest in reading about Mr. Baldwin and the unfortunate lack of anger management that was displayed to the public?

Is it because we need to justify our own behavior, our own closed moments, where we wish we hadn’t cut our eyes, tightened our jaw, pursed our lips….publicizing our own anger to our children?

Or it it that we truly feel that what he allegedly did by saying those words was so gross, so out of bounds from the rest of acceptable decent society, that we now need to persecute him?

I don’t know.

I don’t pretend to know the answers.

I know that I wish he hadn’t treated his 11 year old that way because she is the one that will bear the scars.

I also wish we could raise our children stronger, to be the personification of God, to not be harmed by such words and to look instead and say, ok, you’ve got it worse than me if you needed to speak on that level.

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15 thoughts on “Alec Baldwin & Parental Alienation

  1. Yes, yes, I agree. But with Alec Baldwin, the matter need not be so complicated or even so reflective. We all seen or heard of numerous examples of this before. What was show to the world was simply the essence of what he is, of what his relationship is with his daughter, his former wife and most likely with all women under his perceived control. I suspect this behavior didn’t start with him. Like most abusive men, the behavior is learned from their father. He is a dysfunctional man, with a dysfunctional past and, without some serious corrective treatment, a dysfunctional future.

  2. Ah, you pre-empt me. I am working on a piece, yes, yes, just in my mind, concerning “women”, the lesser class.

    Stay tuned and thank you for sharing.

    I do not want to denigrate Mr. Baldwin because I don’t know him. I know that using anger with our children is effective only in the short run. Perhaps that will be his lesson. But if we persecute him to the point of not allowing redemption, what then is our point?

  3. The saddest thing for me is that this was played out in public. Baldwin left a stupid, hurtful message but we should never have heard it. Maybe this was meant to get even with him and show the world what a creep he can be, but to what end except possibly revenge? It’s his daughter that will bear extra scars forever. Both parents seem to be willing to sacrifice her for their needs. A horrible thing. Yes SurfaceEarth, it would be nice if she had the emotional maturity to look past all that and feel compassion for anyone who would need to speak to ehr that way, but this isn’t just anyone; it’s her father. No child should ever be expected to achieve that level of sagacity and transcendence – especially coming from deeply damaged parents.

    Hah! Here I go waxing on about something I said we had no right to even know about. How easily we get drawn into this. OK…I mean I get drawn into this! (-;

  4. Lord, whoever is writing this website, at least spell the words correctly in the TITLE of your book. Excuse me, but my nine-year-old has better grammar. Please, keep the tenses consistent, just for ONE PARAGRAPH. There is exactly ONE grammatically correct sentence in this entire essay: “I don’t pretend to know the answers.” Yikes.

    Not really knowing where to start, I shall tilt at the first couple of unsuspecting windmills.

    WE cannot tighten our JAW because the word, WE, is plural. Therefore, WE have more than one jaw. Most grammar is based on common sense. For example, instead of grunting and moving on to the information I was looking for, I am going to give you an easy test to use if you are unsure whether to employ the word “me” or the word “I” in a sentence. Read the following sentence out loud: “YOU’VE GOT IT WORSE THAN I DO.” Now try, “YOU’VE GOT IT WORSE THAN ME DO.” If you wish to change the sentence and delete this response, I have no problem with that. Here’s one we learned in high school; to not split our infinities like this. To not feel hurt by gratuitous criticism; to not be harmed by it.

    Now, how did you get so high on my Google search for BALDWIN and ALIENATION?

  5. Welcome.

    I can only believe that you are filling some kind of public duty to fellow bloggers or readers?

    Or perhaps, like the Wizard of Oz, you stand behind the curtain and are the Editor of this virtual world?

    I am actually smiling at the amount of time it may have taken you to blast the writing style you found on this particular post.

    All the best to you, feel free to lend us your editorial comments on our other pieces.

  6. I just have to add my two cents…whether that’s grammatically correct or not. For me, reading blogs involves jumping into the minds of other people and enjoying their words as an art form. (Although I do have an artist friend who finds my taste in painting suspect also.)
    The interesting aspect of this grammar-police comment is that it touches on topics you’ve written about so often – judgment and approaching each other from love rather than focusing on what’s wrong.
    I would much rather have a world filled with free thought and expansive ideas than one that is merely grammatically correct. While I respect the right of people to react to grammatical errors, I’m not sure why anyone would feel the need to chastise what is a lovely site filled with caring thoughts and above all welcoming of free expression.

  7. SurfaceEarth,

    I look at your stream of consciousness writing as heartfelt and as a sort of existential “rap.” Since you aren’t writing for an academic journal or submitting a paper for review, the blog is your free space to write and trash the English language as you see fit. Not that there were any egregious errors here. 🙂

  8. Out of My Head:

    Thank you for your expression of support. You are right, I do not worry about adhering to fabricated grammatical rules, especially, when expressing from the heart, I feel there should be less not more, restrictions on such expressions. You, like Mystery who also commented, are both gifted and well versed writers and if you can live with my spiritual rap version of English, that’s good enough for me!

  9. Mystery:
    I love the qualifiers in your comment…no egregious errors! I was laughing out loud. Yes, this site as you know is all about stream of consciousness. Namaste.

  10. Can anyone help me and tell me which title of which book I spelled incorrectly,as graciously,not, pointed out by the poster: Barcarolle?

    Many thanks to the editing masses!

  11. SE,
    Maybe the commentator is referring to “Monteray” and thinks you are writing about the city “Monterey” or something. If it’s a fictional city, you can spell it however you want.

  12. http://glennsacks.com/blog/?p=2879

    The True Abuse/False Alienation Scam
    by Katie Stanton

    There are false allegations of fictitious syndromes going on all over the country and around the world. Horrifically abusive men, armed with lots of money, use false allegations of Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS) as a strategy to annihilate their families.

    Instead of doing this physically, these abusers are using family court to inflict the damage. The men who claim to be “alienated” often will repeatedly call in false abuse reports on the mother, which is ignored in court proceedings and by the PAS-accusing evaluator.

    These same men will attempt to “coach” the child to say bad things and make false allegations against the mother. When the child reports the father for his abuse (including parental alienation tactics), the father falsely claims alienation by the mother. It is a reign of terror, with the child as the ultimate victim.

    There are some of the frequently elements of the abuse/false alienation scam. These behaviors often start during the relationship–they’re not something that occurs as a result of divorce, but instead are often the reason for the divorce. They are:

    Abuse frequently either begins or escalates during pregnancy.

    Abuse can be physical and/or sexual.

    Threatens to take the children if the victim mom leaves.

    Threatens the life of the mom and/or children.

    Extremely emotionally abusive and controlling.

    Coercive control is constant.

    Stalking.

    Harassment by any means possible, phone, email or any other means of communication. Communications are with the intent to inflict emotional distress.

    False accusations of infidelity.

    Interferes with wife/mom’s work.

    Keeps mom and kids from having friendships with other people, and relationships with her own family, wants to only be with his relatives and friends.

    Financial abuse (may incur bills and refuse to pay any, forces mom/wife to take on debt to keep family afloat while simultaneously undermining work of wife/mom).

    Wife/mom will try to get help for husband/dad, and NOT immediately leave. Wife/mom will refuse to prosecute, only to later have this be extremely detrimental.

    CPS involvement due to domestic violence and child abuse reports called in by people other than the mom. Mom will be terrorized with every report because she is at risk of losing kids to CPS.

    Abuse against child that child discloses to mom while still married or in relationship. Mom will choose to work with dad on this personally.

    Mom gets threatened by CPS with failure to protect while married or in relationship.

    Visitation may be stopped for valid reasons.

    Child is a pawn, the ways and means of continuing the abuse on the mother while inflicting great harm on the child.

    Child will often be abused in front of mother intentionally during exchanges.

    Child exchanges are just another opportunity to inflict harm on mom and child in any way possible. Calling all day, changing times, changing locations, repeatedly and obnoxiously.

    Father refusing to return child from visitation.

    Father will often have wealthy parents (and usually highly abusive and controlling father).

    Father’s parents will also engage in the terrorizing of mom and kids, and will also make threats and file false reports. Father’s parents function like tag team of bullies.

    Father will have visitation, then falsely claim that he was denied visitation. (Valid reasons for schedule changes are claimed to be “alienation.”)

    Father will receive phone calls, and school correspondence, then falsely claim that the calls were not long enough or meaningful enough, etc and that he did not receive ENOUGH information from school or may falsely claim that he received nothing when opposite is true.

    Mother will comply with every order in great detail, while father disobeys, but father will file for false contempt claim in order to commit custody exchange fraud.

    Father only needs to lie to psychologist, who then does nothing to corroborate any information, and psychologist will come to court and falsely accuse parental alienation without any evidence. Courts will listen to paid expert and vilify the protective parent to the delight of the abuser.

    Father is expert at “crazy-making” This behavior distorts reality and destroys the possibility of honest communication. This is a very effective device to increase confusion and insecurity in the victim. It also makes the victim mom have to continuously defend in court.

    In these cases, of course the child is fearful of the father. The children will be telling the truth, and the psychotic father is claiming they are lying. He forces the children to undergo evaluations and reunification therapy in efforts to have these psychologists “brainwash” the children into believing the father’s alternate version of realty.

    The children are tortured by unethical lawyers and psychologists profiteering off the case under the direction of the abuser dad, who is usually a very skillful and charming liar. The litigation will go on endlessly, as the protective parent desperately tries to shield the child.

    This tactic of the true abuser using false allegations of alienation is an extreme form of emotional battering, and is a way of continuing to inflict abuse. The child will resent the true abuser even more, because of the hell they are being put through in order to exact revenge on the mom. False allegation of this fictitious syndrome–Parental Alienation Syndrome–is a fraud and needs to be exposed.

  13. You have left here very compelling and moving arguments as to what occurs to parents and children, and those around them, as a result of parental alientation.

    I can only pray we all learn how to do it better.

    Peace.

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