Pre-conceived beliefs. Pre-conceived notions.
Internal rules and regulations, set standards for ourselves and others.
Or are they internal rules and regulations we hold to impose only others?
I never truly liked judgment; however, I often tricked myself into believing I was non-judgmental. I wouldn’t say, do, act…what I see others around me do to others. Yet, in turn, I was judging the people that I thought were judgmental.
A few years ago I began to truly grasp judgment, to find out what it means, to unravel its knots.
Is judgment so encompassing that I could no longer have beliefs? Would I become a sponge never wrung out?
Would I never again be able to voice an opinion, to stand up for what I believe? Would everything that came out of my mouth be judgment?
I struggled so valiantly, wanting to find a place within my voice, within my thoughts, where I could speak, think and act that would not be judgment, that would not be myself satisfying my ego.
I was lost, within a house of mirrors. I had no clue where to turn.
I still struggle, I still try to find my place. Would I have left my children in a hotel room and been able to eat a meal away from where they slept, alone? No. Do I know if perhaps that same set of parents, played more, laughed more, loved more with their children, than I? No, I don’t. I’m a loving parent, I adore my children, but I am far from perfect. What I know is the parents I have seen on tv are no different than I, they live in a world they have not created, where children can be taken, whether you are the best parent in the world, akin to a Secret Service agent, or whether you believe in handling your day to day moments with a little layer of trust. But, I don’t need to judge them, why should I?
How many times a day does judgment cross our path? Do we walk into a room of fellow professionals and are asked if we are the court reporter or a secretary simply because we are a woman? Are we looked at sideways if we walk into a store bedraggled, come in only to browse, because yes, we can’t afford to purchase, but still like to dream?
Judgment is a labyrinth of rationale. There are no shades of gray, we judge or we don’t judge.