Judgment

Pre-conceived beliefs. Pre-conceived notions.

Internal rules and regulations, set standards for ourselves and others.

Or are they internal rules and regulations we hold to impose only others?

I never truly liked judgment; however, I often tricked myself into believing I was non-judgmental. I wouldn’t say, do, act…what I see others around me do to others. Yet, in turn, I was judging the people that I thought were judgmental.

A few years ago I began to truly grasp judgment, to find out what it means, to unravel its knots.

Is judgment so encompassing that I could no longer have beliefs? Would I become a sponge never wrung out?

Would I never again be able to voice an opinion, to stand up for what I believe? Would everything that came out of my mouth be judgment?

I struggled so valiantly, wanting to find a place within my voice, within my thoughts, where I could speak, think and act that would not be judgment, that would not be myself satisfying my ego.

I was lost, within a house of mirrors. I had no clue where to turn.

I still struggle, I still try to find my place. Would I have left my children in a hotel room and been able to eat a meal away from where they slept, alone? No. Do I know if perhaps that same set of parents, played more, laughed more, loved more with their children, than I? No, I don’t. I’m a loving parent, I adore my children, but I am far from perfect. What I know is the parents I have seen on tv are no different than I, they live in a world they have not created, where children can be taken, whether you are the best parent in the world, akin to a Secret Service agent, or whether you believe in handling your day to day moments with a little layer of trust. But, I don’t need to judge them, why should I?

How many times a day does judgment cross our path? Do we walk into a room of fellow professionals and are asked if we are the court reporter or a secretary simply because we are a woman? Are we looked at sideways if we walk into a store bedraggled, come in only to browse, because yes, we can’t afford to purchase, but still like to dream?

Judgment is a labyrinth of rationale. There are no shades of gray, we judge or we don’t judge.

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6 thoughts on “Judgment

  1. Wow SurfaceEartth! amazingly said. You write very well. As I was reading, I felt as if you had crawled into my brain and plucked my thoughts right out and typed them onto your blog. Excellent post! Thank you!

  2. I’ve recently come to the conclusion that everyone judges, whether they know/admit it or not. I used to say that I don’t judge others, but I do. I might be more openminded than others as I accept people of any ethnicity, religion, and sexuality, but I glance at a person and a hundred different judgments pop into my head. I may not act on any of these judgments, but they automatically arise because I’ve been socially conditioned, like all members of society, to think these things involuntarily. But I NEVER treat people differently based on these judgments. I don’t jump to conclusions. I never categorize a person as something and refuse to get to know them better just because I don’t like that something. I always give everyone a chance to show me who they are. So by not jumping to conclusions, I mean that I don’t stick with one opinion of a person and never look back. I judge people everyday, but doesn’t everyone? God, don’t you wish that a human being didn’t have the ability to judge? I sure do.

    You seem to be toying with the idea of Judgment being an entity that prevents humanity from thinking for itself and generating its own beliefs. Am I right? I never thought about it that way…. That’s an interesting thought. Has everything become too relative? Do our beliefs form only out of the judgments we make of others? What about existential beliefs? How much of what we believe stems from within ourselves? Is everything a reaction and not a catalyst?

    As you can see, your post got me thinking about so many things…

    P.S. I found your site through Ronnie Ann’s blog.

  3. Verdantair:

    First, kudos for telling us how you found the blog. Was it Ronnie Ann’s Work Coach on wordpress?

    Secondly, I think perhaps, you may give us too much credit. You state that you never judge, well, we do, but we grapple with it, we disown ourselves for it. I came up with a formula today though, each time I want to shame myself for a thought, I only need to think of one of my children, cupping their face when they are displeased, dissatified with themselves, me or humanity, the way my hand curves against the bone of their cheek to say it’s ok…if I were to treat myself the way I treat my daughters, my son…I would be forgiven for being judgmental. I would be told in a loving moment, move on, it’s ok.

    So what is it I espouse? Yes, I wish humanity, including myself, could be free of preconceived notions that limit us, that clip our wings.

  4. A beautiful post and wonderful comments. But I guess that’s a judgment, isn’t it? (-;

    I love what you say, SurfaceEarth, about treating ourselves with the same gentle loving acceptance as we do a child. I will long remember the comforting image of your words “the way my hand curves against the bone of their cheek to say it’s ok.”

    And I agree with Verdantair that for most of us judgments burst forth uncontrollably, one after another – like kernels in a popcorn popper. But how seriously should we really take them? After all, they’re only filled with hot air.

  5. I enjoy the way you said that Ronnie…like kernels in a popcorn popper. I think that is where my curiosity is…are judgments in the form of thoughts just hot air as long as we don’t voice or act upon them, or do the thoughts steer us into subconscious actions?

  6. I think at times thoughts might steer us, but we are very capable of changing course and steering ourselves in another direction as long as we remain conscious and aware. (Not that that’s always easy.) I’ve certainly found myself having thoughts I wished I didn’t have based on things in my upbringing or the societal zeitgeist, but for me how I view myself is based on what I do or don’t do – not the sometimes surprising thoughts that pop up. They are all part of me and so rather than chastise myself for not being “perfect” I try to simply acknowledge the internal conflict, be grateful that I saw an opportunity to address the disparate thought, and then act as a whole unified person with conscience.

    But all that said…I think we have to be extra alert when we make a “gut” decision. Maybe good to do a system check. Like in the case of who we will or won’t vote for – if I choose not to support Barack Obama or Hillary Clinton for instance, is it based on their individual strengths and/or weaknesses as leaders and their particular policies, or is there some deep underlying judgment I might need to examine coloring my decision apart from their qualifications? The same when hiring a person. Does the decision to hire Joe rather than Mary because “Joe is a better fit” (as sincere as the person making it feels) also include some judgments/prejudices we might not be in touch with at first but that may be denying certain categories of people access to jobs?

    Just popcorn for thought.

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