Letter to God, continued, part two

Open Letter to God (original)

Hi God.

It’s me, again.

I know that you hear me everyday, chatting, begging, pleading, reasoning-asking for faith. You would think the mere fact I turn to you is faith itself, wouldn’t You?

But I know me, and You know me, and I am wrestling with my ego, unwilling to give it up, unwilling, because I think I will lose me, and my faith in You in the process.

Is that what they call, a paradox?

My “second” letter to You I started in a small, discounted, bound leather brown book, gold edged pages, a piece of fabric to mark where I left off. Small enough to go with me wherever I choose, anywhere but in my pocket. I will get back to that, that the book I choose to speak to You within could not fit within the smallest spaces. But not yet God, not yet.

I started my book, the first page, like this:

“To any who may enter here, turning the pages – remember – this is my journey – my perception of the world. Without collective consciousness, you may find yourself lost and without understanding as to my wording, my intent, my context and that will be as it is.

Namaste.”

But I continued God, I turned the page.

Another day I said to You:

I am unsure whether it is truly a grand awakening or as we stumble step by step, we find ourselves in a new place of thought.

I desire in these pages to embrace my voice, my connection with God, to truly hear the voice of God and live with that knowledge.

We know so little, barely skimming the surface of this Earth. What can I say as to how much I know of ultimate Truth or knowledge?

I long to amass, piece by piece, a web, a ladder, a matrix of higher learning. Why is there so much unknown? It came to me that with a shift in the energy fields, a rebalancing, we could accomplish anything. We could form energy barriers to prevent destruction of humanity along shorelines. Energy bumper fields to prevent cars, trains and planes form impact and consequent calamity.

On some level, answers are known. At the point it becomes realized, we will have most likely also have abolished the need for mechanical transport.

The hardest part is breaking out of the self created barriers. The nine to five of the imposed Society.

I no longer have any aspiration to remain a lawyer. None. I find it distasteful and I resent people’s refusal to move toward resolution.

I want to cry. Big, tearing gulping sobs. It is my own own inaction that keeps me stuck in place.

Hi God. Yup, me.

Here I sit. In a “County”, a seat of justice. I drove down the highway, a torrential rain pour. I was lucky I even brought myself to drive 50 mph and the other people, flying by, driving so fast, do they wonder what would happen if they hydroplaned?

Same day, later than who I was this morning. So much later that I must try three times to flip the pages of this journal, so thick the leaf edge, I don’t dare believe I bought this for myself to speak to God. I throw down my old glasses, they fall from my nose anyway, so stretched the arms have become. I don’t need them to read these pages.

So, anything new?

There is so very much I write in my head, between the moments – now and before – it never gets on the page. For now, I will put aside this journal, this memorable me, put it aside and read the book I bought on Gandi. I so passionately want to continue reading and I will slip inside the realm of semi-consciousness sleep state, when I dream in guarded dreams of tomorrow.

*If they ever obliterate tactile writing and reading, I will elect to ascend, immediately.

Siting outside today, another day without a blackberry. How much more peaceful. Sitting outside, a small diner, with tables set out on brick pavers. Small sign says: ‘sorry, we do not accept credit cards’.

Quickly I ask, how much for a cup of coffee and a toasted english muffin? $2.25, plus tax. I check. I have a five and some change, fair enough for a decent tip, I order.

I sit across from the courthouse, another case where settlement negotiations will change and the mood of the equity judge, King of all Kings, or as Alice said, the King of nothing, all at once, is less predictable than a storm at Sea.

I had a dream last night, I’m sure of not many things, but this I recall…a bird coming to land on my shoulder, momentarily frightened as I am not sure if it will claw me; then my fear becomes less and I began to worry of the bird relieving itself on my back. It begins to sing with me. I ran around to show people the miracle, but another bird, a small sparrow, flew into my mouth.

I’m tired now God. I will go, there is never a moment You don’t hear me anyway.

***Hey God, as an afterthought, I sound like I’m just stamping my feet.

***Upon further thought God, I need to say, although You know this already, I was in fact stamping my feet.  I complain about the justice system, about being a lawyer, and the simple fact is, I simply wish we lived in a world where we needed neither a justice system nor lawyers.  My acts of complaining about it, poking at different sectors of the system, does nothing to change the whole and only adds negativity.  So thanks for listening.


Advertisements

12 thoughts on “Letter to God, continued, part two

  1. (((( SurfaceEarth )))))

    That’s all. Just a hug to let you know I’m sitting here in this space with you.

  2. 🙂 A cyber pal recently said to me, seems like you have a lot to say to God…well, perhaps I do, not that He/She needs to hear, but it’s an inner dialogue. Thank you for sharing your peaceful nature here Romancing.

  3. Dear Frederik:

    I would love to respond, if I simply knew how. At first, I wondered, what is it that you can’t believe you are seeing?

    The crisis of faith?

    The journey of the believer, unbeliever, believer to unbeliever again?

    Then, as I scratched my head wondering, I decided to click on your name, and well, it took me to Piedmont Communications.

    Dear Frederik, could you possibly, simply, be spam?

  4. “I had a dream last night, I’m sure of not many things, but this I recall…a bird coming to land on my shoulder, momentarily frightened as I am not sure if it will claw me; then my fear becomes less and I began to worry of the bird relieving itself on my back. It begins to sing with me. I ran around to show people the miracle, but another bird, a small sparrow, flew into my mouth.”
    ================

    That’s my favorite part 🙂 Birds can mean many things, but they’re generally messengers and spiritual symbols…they can represent freedom (“free as a bird”). I think your dream is about freedom, freedom from that which you know isn’t rignt for you but you’re afraid to let go of it. Your dream is about freedom to speak out as you please (bird in the mouth).

    I think the most potent freedom we will ever come to know is the freedom in the knowledge that WE hold the truth and the light, that we are the truth and the light, that we…are “God” 🙂 No one to beg or ask, bow down, or cower to. It’s all us — just like with Dorothy in Oz. She always had it, “Home” was always with her 🙂 But like her in her dream, we all have to make this journey to discover our own heart, courage…our own power and value. That we’ve always had it… We are “It” 🙂 When you discover this, you’re “Home.” Within. That’s where we’ll find the truth, the “light,” peace…”God.”

    Peace,
    Dove

  5. Dove,

    I love your comment. I also enjoy revisiting this piece from a different perspective, not only from the passage of time, but from a reader’s intuitive perspective.

    Birds are huge with me, I could bore you with bird stories for days, my curiousty as to their meaning has quieted as I have just come to accept that they are indeed spiritual messengers and I need to listen.

    Ah, freedom to trust yourself to be who you are, to trust yourself to find your way back to the origin and then speak from there….yes, I hear you.

  6. Oh, you wouldn’t bore me with bird stories 🙂 I adore birds — they’re pure magic 🙂 One of my main “totems” (they often bring me messages) is the Crow — sooo many crow stories from over the years. I love them, but if they get too close to me, I tend to wince — because that’s proven over the years to be a potent indicator that something is about to happen that’s not going to be pleasant. I’ve had that uncomfortable thing happen within minutes of the crow getting close to me… On the other hand, if they’re in a tree or something at a distance, that’s usually a sign that things will go well, it’s like family being there when something special/good is about to happen to me 🙂

    The crow is amazingly intelligent. A while back, I saw where some guy was doing an experiment with crows. He put a piece of food inside a tall glass tube, and a small piece of wire next to it. Every single time, the crow made a tool out of the wire and got the food! lol I love that! 🙂

    Uh, sorry, kinda got carried away with my bird story, lol

    Dove

  7. I think your comments are beautiful. But I wonder if God really exists? I wonder if he is simply a figment of our own creation and inner spiritual self. I recently watched the movie trailer for the upcoming film from Douglas Vermeeren (The Opus) This film placed Science and faith against one another in a showdown to determine which is truth. My personal feelings are that when truth is able to be fully understood it is really a matter of spiritual perspective and that all enlightened beings who we have elevated 9Jesus, Mohamed and that gang) were simply at a level where they could understand their own spiritual capacities well enough to bend science to create miralces and so forth. Share your thoughts… By the way you can see the trailer yourself at http://www.MMPWmovies.com

  8. Curtis,

    Thank you for your gracious remarks.

    Yes, God exists.

    It may have been years ago, I would have said, well, maybe God exists.

    For abundant reasons, I know solely believe God and a world or worlds beyond us exist. I do not think though that it means disavowing science. I think science is another level of perception of us to use to wake up.

    Surface Earth

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s